He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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