I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize