You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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