I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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