make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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