watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
