Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
