I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
