You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
