almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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