What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
