They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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