You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
