...so i touched it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
