You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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