Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
