That's when you crack a 10am beer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
