I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
