You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im holly from the hills drunk
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
