Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
