dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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