I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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