Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just google imaged poop.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
