I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize