Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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