Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
