she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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