3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I touched a dick in church today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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