haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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