pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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