I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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