Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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