Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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