i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize