i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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