I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
