I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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