By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
