If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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