First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
