I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
