Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
