My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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