My brain says no but my pants say off.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
They have beer where we have blood.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
