Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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