please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
