I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
