He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
