Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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