Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
there is glitter all over my balls
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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