You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
