the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
