evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
