I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
