peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
