he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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