You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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