How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need water and some morals
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
