If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test