Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
