His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
