Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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