Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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